Ego, Being A Man, and Opening Your Eyes
About a month ago Bryan Veloso let his woman post an ominous message talking in vague words about how something has happened with his site. When someone writes something like this it is natural for friends, fans and family to be worried and you could even see the worry on 9rules. We at 9rules emailed Bryan because we are always concerned when we read about something happening with one of our members. We got no response. So we emailed again…no response.
Then more and more people started to wonder what was going on with Bryan. Being worried even further I emailed Dan Rubin (his design partner I guess) to see what the deal is. Dan didn’t wish to give me any answers and I can respect that, but I still wanted to know what was going on. We still had no answer.
It even got to the point where 9rules members banded together to created a I Love Avalonstar site.
Then Bryan himself posted a message on his site and again it was vague. Again it played with the emotions of the people who look up to him. Again it kept people in the dark, but you know what? He could still Twitter that he was going to DDR. He couldn’t respond to emails or let people know that things are okay, but finding the time to do other things was not a problem at all.
Then we got the final message that his site would return on May 1. People looked forward to it. Then they had to wait. Wait some more and finally it launched. I could care less about the design. What I care about is the disrespect shown by him towards the people who worried. The disrespect shown towards the people who care. For some reason he gets the gold star for coming out with a new design, but for no reason has to apologize to anyone for the idiotic commotion he caused.
What’s even more sickening is that nobody has even called him out for it. Instead we get people patting him on the head telling him it’s okay that he isn’t happy with his redesign and we all have to fight personal demons (last I checked it was just a personal blog design, not a failed cure for cancer). What if someone in your life disappeared and only left vague messages and then came back only to tell you they have a new outfit?
Although Bryan is no longer in 9rules (no content can do that to ya) this has nothing to do with it. I’m sure he could care less whether he was in or not. This is about respect. This is about being a man and opening your eyes to the world. No doubt people will hate me for writing something about someone who is so loved, but I just don’t get it. This is a grown man acting like a child and loving every moment of the attention that he is getting and showing no respect to the people that got him to where he is at.
I noticed it a few days ago as well, my heart dropped when I found a plain white page, with a very vague explanation of where Bryan’s site has gone. I guess its one of those things that will keep us in suspense until we hear the bad news.
I’m going to take a wild guess, it wasn’t that bad because the message his wife/girl/fiance/whatever left was perfectly styled in that Veloso kind of way. I don’t write this out of anger towards Bryan, but out of disgust at the lack of respect afforded to everyone that reached a hand out to help him and was turned away.
The response, was nothing short of overwhelming. Emails, twitters, text messages, voicemails and even a website—all wondering about Avalonstar and making sure my family and I were alright. When I emereged, I got a glimpse of how much this community means to me, and how that bond is mutual. So to start off, I want to thank everybody that kept an eye out for Jen, the kitties and I and to everybody who helped me through this process.
Just for the record this past April, has been the longest month in recent memory. The reasons behind all of this have been ruled by rumor and speculation. However, with Avalonstar in its current state, I feel no need to communicate anything outside the bounds of what will be written today.
Thanks man, we really didn’t need you to communicate.
Making the decision to do what I did to Avalonstar proved to be one of the hardest of my career.
…
Open your eyes to the world young buck. It’s just a site and if that’s the hardest decision of your career, you ain’t been through shit in your life yet.
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You, Tyme, and I personally received and responded to *at least* 100 emails from people asking us what was going on, if Bryan was physically okay, if some deep tragedy occured in his family, etc. Like you said, we emailed multiple times giving our support and asking what was going on, and we never received a response. Not even a “I’m sorry I can’t say anything, but thanks for the email” reply, which I assumed would just be common courtesy.
When you take your site down and post cryptic messages that give rise to the notion that something in your life is deeply messed up, then yeah, I get upset when you come back and pretend like nothing happened. You can’t go around and treat people like they’ll always be at your side, asking for your autograph, you have to treat people with respect or else you’ll lose their respect just as quickly.
By Mike Rundle on May 4, 2007 2:27 am
You’re right, people are going to hate you for writing this. I wondered if anyone would ask these questions when he launched his new design without much of an answer to what was going on. I’m glad that someone did.
By Ben Bleikamp on May 4, 2007 2:34 am
Well we all know how the web works. Plenty of people email asking (as Mike mentioned) and have voiced their worry and disgust and I’m sure nobody will ask the questions publicly because of Bryan’s stature.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 2:43 am
“I’m sure nobody will ask the questions publicly because of Bryan’s stature.”
Anyone that does that…is weak
“When I emereged, I got a glimpse of how much this community means to me, and how that bond is mutual.”
How he could knowingly have people worrying about him (self-admitted) while he hibernates doing exactly what he wanted to do (was the dancing fun?) is beyond me. I couldn’t do it. The guilt would eat me alive that I could be so callous as to ignore people that were concerned about me when I had the power to keep everyone informed with very minimal effort.
But Bryan communicated with exactly who he wanted to communicate with. Bryan “could” have kept the site up, not updated it (wouldn’t be the first time he did that), and it wouldn’t have caused so many people to be concerned. It’s normal to have to step back from things, take a break, etc. There were many options (like taking 5 minutes to update his site - where everyone was looking).
I want to make something perfectly clear. I don’t feel slighted in anyway that he did not respond to the emails. Actually I’m glad he didn’t because I prefer to see people for who they really are…not their online persona (his words, not mine).
Actions speak louder than words.
By Tyme White on May 4, 2007 3:13 am
Get over it. People like you disgust me - what if it was some sort of mental illness issue and Brian didn’t have the emotional capacity to let someone like you know that he was ok? And, I have no idea who this guy is, so it has nothing to do with his ’stature’. See people like you are the most intense form of selfishness and ego, you strike out because you weren’t made fully aware of what was going on with another individual, think about what may be behind his actions rather than how ‘disgusted’ you are feeling.
By Bob on May 4, 2007 4:54 am
FWIW There’s no hate for you from here. Over the last few months I’ve slowly been coming to the conclusion that Bryan is rather egotistical.
I was concerned for him as a blogger - I thought some terrible tragedy had happened, he’d caught cancer, or become crippled in a car crash or something. Not that he just wanted a break.
I’ve now unsubscribed from Avalonstar. I’ve had enough.
By Ben on May 4, 2007 4:56 am
I honestly think that a lot of people have this problem. And I don’t think that Bryan is a bad person but he does strike me as the type of person who gets kinda self absorbed from time to time.
I think we as people have the tendency to try to distance ourselves from people. I know that there are times where I really don’t prioritize myself online and end up not saying anything.
By Michael on May 4, 2007 5:06 am
Ben: I don’t think that Bryan’s necessarily “bad”. He’s just being emo Spiderman at the moment. Did anyone see that movie? That was a great movie.
By Michael on May 4, 2007 5:08 am
To be fair to the guy, if redesigning was that much of an emotional strain (dude, it’s a blog…) then contacting you guys was probably not his main concern.
That said, my opinion is in line with yours almost 100%. I haven’t contributed at all to all the Avalonstar nonsense because it seemed like it was just a load of self-designed melodrama, and it appears that I was right.
Incidentally, 9rules members seem to be dropping like flies!
By Richard on May 4, 2007 5:20 am
Through history it has been proven that being a Rock Star can be a real burden to people. Many bloggers have had their blog grow on them, sometimes even lived their blog personality.
And then, suddenly, there’s real life calling. Not digital life.
Scrivs, I love you for this entry, because almost every single entry over at OreoCEO made me think, think deeply. Sometimes even wonder, wonder if you were going through a rougher period. OreoCEO probably is one of the most cryptic blogs I know. But then again, after some minutes of reflexion on an OreoCEO entry, I remember ‘Hey, it’s Scrivs!’, take the wisdump from the OreoCEO entry and move on… with life.
And wait till the day Scrivs sells one more site. Indeed it’s just a blog. ;-)
By franky on May 4, 2007 5:50 am
I agree. I admit I was one of those people who thought there was something very, very wrong. And I fully expected when the site relaunched there to be an explanation about how his cats had been harmed, woman left him, parent fallen deathly ill. Something other than what we got. Which is nothing.
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt to a fault and always think there’s something more… I feel kinda emotionally cheated. I feel toyed with, as I’m sure many others do who know him from more than just his site.
You’re right. People are going to hate you. But it’s good to have people around like you who put things how they are for those of us who let our emotions get in the way. :)
Thank You.
By peroty on May 4, 2007 10:05 am
This is ridiculous, and I think that you’re going beyond the realm of saying “I think he was disrespectful” into downright childish meanness.
Bryan Veloso, nor anyone else, needs to have you keeping tabs on them. Is your ego that big? If people think something dire has happened because someone else hasn’t updated their website, well then that’s their problem and perhaps they’re placing too much emphasis on the internet.
If you were a personal friend and attempted to call him and ask how he’s doing and didn’t hear back from him that would be totally different, but you aren’t and you didn’t so quit bitching. Beside I don’t think one can really have too much ego about their “stature” on the web when they were fired from their last job.
By joe on May 4, 2007 12:56 pm
P.S. There’s plenty of sites in the network with sporadic content at best, and you don’t kick them out because you’ll leech off their traffic and “stature” as long as you possibly can.
By joe on May 4, 2007 1:01 pm
well..lets keep in mind joe and bob..this guy lead on that he was going through some serious, seriously bad stuff, and had people seriously worried about him…that does not include the business affiliations he was shunning for a publicity stunt..i think scrivs is right here. bryan wasn’t being “sporatic” with content, but was staging an all out publicity stunt at the expense of everyone involved and affiliated with his site.
By tacoman on May 4, 2007 1:26 pm
Have you ever considered that anything could have happened?
What if someone’s mother dies or something? Are they going to keep blogging? No. Are they going to BLOG about the issue specifically when they come back? For a lot of people, no.
God, there are even work commitments a person can have that they don’t talk about.
Open your eyes about this, please. It’s obvious that there are things that happen in real life - you know, real stuff - that someone might not blog about, and not knowing why, telling the world they’re “disrespectful” is just plain talking out of turn.
By Bill on May 4, 2007 2:13 pm
I think the point is that more effort was spent spinning mystery than would have been needed to avoid it. And that he let things like coding a web interface to track DDR scores and organizing a go-kart race take priority over responding to people he was at least somewhat close to that were genuinely concerned for his well-being.
It isn’t about someone not updating their website, but the opposite: it’s about dropping lines like “for reasons beyond my control” … “I’ve been forced to do [this and that]” … “things will never be the same”, etc. etc. I don’t remember exactly was written when he took his site down but it was along those lines.
Aesop wrote at least one fable about this kind of thing.
That said it’s good to know he’s OK — at least well enough. I hope he learns something from this.
By Justin Ruckman on May 4, 2007 2:16 pm
I’ll step in on this one. Let’s look at what he has written and what was written before. Nothing was mentioned of life, simply the site. When he came back he still implied it was just about the site and nothing else. My eyes are open. If you shutdown a site for life’s purposes that’s completely understandable, but then is there a reason to make a scene out of it? Getting people all worked up only to come back and say I don’t need to talk about it?
Don’t lecture me about real life because when someone says the hardest decision of their career is deciding whether to shutdown their blog or not…meh nevermind.
I’ll fully admit if I’m wrong (and will apologize) and everything is totally fucked up in his life then so be it. But that was a mighty quick recovery on Twitter when the site was taken down and other things. It seems my eyes have been open the whole time.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 2:19 pm
In doing this, Bryan was acting exactly like the teenage girls I go to school with every day - filled with drama over the silliest things. Seriously, if life takes over before your personal site, then so be it - don’t post on your blog. However, there is no reason to post a cryptic message implying the worst. Then, you give an unsatisfying explanation when your site comes back? That just makes no sense to me…
My dog of 7 years died, I cried a lot and took a break from the web for a while. Still, I made it clear why. I didn’t pretend disaster had struck.
People say that teenagers are self-absorbed, but everyone of my friends will answer an email responding to them. However, I forgive Bryan for this, since something is obviously deeply wrong with him if he requires this much drama and attention.
By Arthus Erea on May 4, 2007 4:14 pm
Scrivs - I’ve commented a couple of times on this site before but really I don’t know you and you don’t know me. However, I’d like to ask you to consider a few things:
Isn’t bitching about this playground scrap and telling someone to ‘be a man’ in the title of your post rather incongruous? It would seem to me that ‘being a man’ would not include trashing someone in the manner of a cheerleader team. ‘Being a man’ might’ve been attempting to resolve the issue privately and then, if the issue wasn’t resolved to your satisfaction, simply walking away with no need for the amateur dramatics.
But then, what do I know? Who am I to tell you how to behave on your own site? Its not like I really know you or know what things you might see as important enough to care about as oppose to things I might see as important enough to care about.
Right?
By Kev on May 4, 2007 4:56 pm
Oh cool, I didn’t realize other people questioned what went on. I just figured I missed the ‘big deal’ somewhere and was being ignorant again.
By Devin on May 4, 2007 5:12 pm
Just so I’m clear, Scrivs do you think Bryan’s whole
was a publicity stunt? An act to get attention?
Doesn’t really seem in character for him does it? I’ve never met the man but I know you have so you’re in a better position to answer that to be honest.
By khaled on May 4, 2007 5:36 pm
Wow, What an attitude Scrivs.
Bryan owes you nothing, he owes me nothing, he owes the world nothing. Last time I checked he owed the world nothing. His personal site is exactly that, his own. He can do what the fuck he likes with it in my opinion.
His design is important to him, it’s what he’s known for (other than being a good blogger) and if he does poorly in the design, he will see the consequences.
Oh and one last thing, having balls is not necessarily a good thing when you use them stupidly like what I’ve just seen you do.
I was curious to what happened to Bryan too, I also tried to contact him. I don’t think he has a duty to tell anyone, maybe let everyone know he’s alright. Which he did do through Jen.
If you don’t like it, don’t bother reading his posts. End of story. I think that was just a lame ass post to boost your ratings for your dieing community. What’s worse is that he’s a member, and yet you publically flamed him, that’s not a good sing.
By Zach Inglis on May 4, 2007 5:40 pm
I would’ve graciously avoided it, but I can’t avoid what goes on in the 9r private forums, 9r Notes or my own email account. Boost my ratings for a dying (sp?) community? Haha, sorry many you must have me and our community twisted with someone else’s. It’s far from dying so please look somewhere else if you wish to bring that noise.
I understand you being friends with him and wanting to defend him, but read around, I’m not the only one saying these things.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 6:23 pm
Actually if you have followed his writing for the past 2-3 years it seems perfectly in character. That’s why this time I was hoping there was something there to back up everything that he caused, but there wasn’t.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 6:24 pm
Have we really become that full of ourselves to think a design of a blog makes or breaks everything? Come on now Zach.
And like you said he doesn’t owe me anything and I don’t owe him anything either. Therefore I wrote what I did and obviously I’m not alone in my opinion.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 6:30 pm
Zach: Bryan was a 9rules member. He agreed to our membership agreement. No one would have a problem with him stepping back and honestly, if he responded to us he had a community that would have backed him.
I mean they did create a site for him for his birthday.
Perhaps you agree it’s cool to go dancing for hours and purposely not respond when people are concerned about you. From the feedback we received, most people don’t feel that way and appreciate Scrivs’ honest take on this issue.
As far as 9rules dying - wonder why the submissions are still coming in even after I closed them? I hope you go to SXSW next year so you can enlighten me about our dying community. :)
By Tyme White on May 4, 2007 6:31 pm
In any case, Justin Ruckman summed up my thoughts perfectly so scroll up and read them.
By Scrivs on May 4, 2007 6:31 pm
Thyme: Sorry, Bryan’s not allowed to go out and dance now? Thyme, I do hope to goto SXSW for the third year running and will express my opinions if you wish. Also, As I have expressed my opinion, I am more than happy to be honest. Whatever happens to me.
Bryan doesn’t owe his users anything in my opinion as you agreed. His content is free. So, why does he owe his users an explanation?
I agreed with you on his ambiguousness.
IF you have a problem with Bryan, you should have emailed him or talked to him in private. Posting it publically is just wrong and looks like a PR stunt.
Bryan didn’t ask you to care. Every Mail app’ has a feature for deleting or marking as spam. That’s the users fault, not his own. Actually, you accepted him into 9rules, you are partly responsible for your users and it’s something you brought on yourself. If you don’t want to play that game, don’t.
I don’t think the most solid design ever is as important but when your group focus love to read about design… Yes, I do think it’s important.
OK, Maybe 9rules isn’t dieing but it’s lost all point of its original self. It was an elitest thing, but not in a bad way. It was where people came for the best of the best, and now it’s so bloated. ‘Oh, and I’m not the only one who thinks that too.’ Once upon-a-time the fancy ‘loads of submissions’ would have impressed me, but i’ve matured past that. Oh and I do love some of the sites under 9rules.
You know I have nothing against you Scrivs, as you don’t me or Bryan.
By Zach Inglis on May 4, 2007 7:29 pm
I don’t want anything I say to be taken offensively. It sounds heated but it was meant in just plain honesty.
By Zach Inglis on May 4, 2007 7:39 pm
My point is getting greatly diluted. What my point is, I don’t think he owes anyone anything.
I can understand why you were upset with him for not answering, I was a bit too. But I would never call him out on this, publically. He’s a good friend and I would never slander him so much.
Maybe you didn’t do it for PR but it feels slanderous and I thought you had more morals than to bitch about your friends in public.
And yes, before you say it, I know i’m being a hypocrite.
By Zach Inglis on May 4, 2007 7:46 pm
[...] Paul Scrivens wrote a post today blasting Bryan Veloso of Avalonstar. Bryan stopped blogging for the month of April without responding to emails, and Paul felt it appropriate to “call him out” in a post today. Avalonstar was a popular member of Paul’s 9rules blogging network and was one of the network’s greatest proponents. Bryan was even kind enough to invite his fellow 9rules members on stage with him at the 2006 SXSW Web Awards when he received an award for “Best Blog”. [...]
By Rob Goodlatte - Being a Man on May 4, 2007 8:09 pm
Scrivs, Mike and I can’t be hypocrites. It would be completely unfair to the members that were going through serious issues in their lives (cancer, other medical illnesses, employment issues, etc.) that handled things in a more responsible manner.
Did he have to keep people informed? No, but the fact that he didn’t speaks volumes. Look what he said on Twitter:
“Is having quite a dilemma”
“says — It’s something that I can’t really control at the moment… not really in the mood to talk about it. Thanks for the concern though.”
After seeing him at SXSW, hearing about his event (and he was fine) imagine what people thought. Over a month later the explanation was a design being the toughest decision of his career.
Scrivs said aloud what most people were thinking to themselves. Bryan decided to make this entire thing public - he didn’t have to. He could have handled this big decision privately just like the thousands of site owners that launch new designs do every day. Bryan released an incomplete design that’s jacked in IE after worrying people unnecessarily. As a leader in the design community he’s supposed to take some flack for that.
By Tyme White on May 4, 2007 8:38 pm
Paul, polite criticism is one thing, but it’s horribly inappropriate and ironic to ridicule Bryan and call him childish the way you did in this post. If you want to criticise someone for being disrespectful, do so in a respectful manner. Also — Bryan was once a part of your community as a colleague, and now you’re publicly attacking and defaming him?
Paul, I really respect what you’ve built with 9rules and I enjoy your writing because you’re honest and don’t mince words. But this post is really inappropriate.
By Rob Goodlatte on May 4, 2007 8:42 pm
I understand. But that doesn’t mean his issue wasn’t serious to him, not just that but no matter how ill you are, your illness or dillema will always be trumped by someone else’s. So I find that argument to be a bit unfair.
Bryan never intentionally insulted anyone when he made the entire thing public as you say. Unlike Scrivs. Just read the post title.
I can see why you think Bryan owes the community something, But I sincerely don’t think he does. It’s his talent that has brought him as far as he has come, not the community. Without the community his talent may go unseen but it’s still because of him.
Bryan specifically blogs for other people nowadays, not himself. And I for one, think that’s sad.
By Zach Inglis on May 4, 2007 8:58 pm
Zach, how hard would it have been to relaunch with something along the lines of Last weeks have been very hard, I still am not totally (or am) recovered and feel sorry for having neglected everyone who has shown to be worried.
Just some words, but they would have made a huge difference. Now we have a Rock Star, who has pushed out a design because he thought he had too and a whole controversy.
I am no regular at 9r but in all the time I have been reading (mainly) Mike and Paul (and I handed out several times as well) I can only say that Paul and Mike really are concerned about 9r members. I haven’t read that much of Tyme, but I am Tyme lives 9r just as much, and maybe somehow even closer to the community.
And I think all three are surely disappointed about what happened. Wasn’t Bryan member since the early days of 9r?
And on a personal note, heck how long does it take to fire off one quick email to some people, the people who play buffer for you? Just saying you’re still alive and soon will be back, but first you need to catch up with life. They will pass the message on.
Takes me less time than leaving a comment here. ;-)
By franky on May 4, 2007 9:27 pm
As much as I like Bryan, his writing and his work, I must give Scrivs a pat on the back for being so bold as to post this reaction and also to Mike and Tyme for being so vocal about the whole thing.
I’m not close to Bryan personally, but I was definitely worried from the get-go when his site was returning a 500 error for about a week straight. That right there, created a sense of emergency and set off alarms with many people that was completely unnecessary and avoidable. For that alone, I believe Bryan owed everyone an explanation. From the time the first message was posted I figured everything was fine and found myself thinking along the same lines as Richard above…
I didn’t even think twice about pitching in money for a Birthday gift (which was the first idea being bounced around between 9r friends) and didn’t submit a message for the site that was put up in his honor.
Anyway, it sucks the way the whole thing went down and it’s unfortunate that Bryan handled it all the way he did.
By Matt Brett on May 4, 2007 10:38 pm
Has anyone considered the possibility that something did happen and he has decided or has been advised not to talk about it? Just a thought. His explanation of what took place could be fictional.
By Rob on May 5, 2007 12:40 am
Haha, welcome to the wonderful world of celebrity. Whatever you think of it, Bryan sure knows how to stage a comeback. I mean, you’re all talking and it drove me to his website.
Maybe this is a sign that 9rules, and the blogging community in general, sometimes take the whole business a little too seriously. I can understand your point, Scrivs, but being concerned because someone’s hobby goes offline? Maybe people just want to read deeper meaning into these things…
By Dan on May 5, 2007 1:04 am
I’ll say this up front, until I’ve spoken with someone directly about a situation I like to keep my mouth shut about things. So I’m not going to step in to the territory of saying one way or another if the way Bryan handled things was incorrect. I just don’t know enough details to make a decision.
What I will say, though, is that some of the people commenting here need to learn to read before they comment.
A large number of the negative comments towards Scrivs have been revolved around how Scrivs is “upset because some dudes website went down.”
If you think that’s what this post is about…go away. Really. This post has NOTHING to do with somebody’s website being down or having something cryptic posted for weeks on end.
But it has EVERYTHING to do with how someone led his “friends” on to think something really bad had happened….ultimately in the name of hype. The very people who thought they knew Bryan and cared for his well being were just used as pawns in a game to bring traffic to his site. THAT is what this post is about.
So, seriously, if you can’t comprehend Scrivs post past him “being mad because some guys site was down”…please don’t bother commenting. You sound like an idiot.
By Josh on May 5, 2007 10:59 am
[...] What many of those outside didn’t see was what went on behind the scenes, on the 9rules member’s message board and obviously in many people’s email boxes. Scrivs is a bit pissed off at Bryan for many reasons and I got to thinking about this very slightly and I think there’s really two sides to this story with some leeway afforded to both parties, all depending on your perspective I guess. [...]
By Broken Kode | Net OTT on May 5, 2007 11:59 am
Your kidding me! I too became lank worried when I saw that message from his girlfriend and I thought “what the hell could make a person take an entire site down?” Maybe a new job? Someone threatening his life? Dying? (But Jenny did say he was ok…)
It never made sense. And if you read some of the avalonstarlove.com messages, you start to worry even more! His friends really sounded worried too.
So all this was because of a redesign, which is unfinished, not very striking, and really wouldn’t get many star ratings? Hey?
I really don’t get it? And his girlfriend was in on the whole thing? She actually agreed to “lets get everyone worried like big time and then you can work on your new site so that it will launch to huge fanfare and we, I mean you honey, will we famous!” Hey?
Just imagine in the offline world, you “disappeared” for a month, not answering your door or phone. You didn’t pitch for work for a month, or even went outside. And you girlfriend played along. Your family and friends would call the cops, ambulance, search and rescue, and then when you thought it was time to come outside and face everyone, you put on a new shirt, cut your hair and said, “Hi! You like the whole new look? Man it was tough this last month, but thanks so much for worrying about me and showing just how much you love me. You guys mean the world to me.” That is evil man.
Bryan, I know you reading this. People make mistakes, and I for one can forgive, but just remember the story about the Shepard that cried wolf one to many times.
By JBagley on May 5, 2007 5:45 pm
I said something similair so I presume you’re including me in that statement. I personally never said Scrivs was, But in Technorati, Avalonstar was #2, not Bryan Veloso. Same when people mentioned it.
There was no whole thing.
Anyway, he’s posted about it on his site.
By Zach Inglis on May 5, 2007 6:50 pm
[...] Whilst many are still licking out his asshole, one or two are speaking up to his immaturity at handling this situation, I’m 100% behind Scrivs on this one. [...]
By One Man’s Ego, One Man’s Own World at hmmhuh on May 5, 2007 8:54 pm
What people aren’t seem to be getting is that Bryan disappeared without a trace, took his site down, left cryptic clues etc. People or more importantly “friends” grew concerned about his safety and well being. For it only to turn out as a lame publicity stunt for a redesign that’s extremely subpar, people are pissed off.
By Chris Gwynne on May 5, 2007 8:59 pm
I’m with you on this one scrivs, props for the post.
By Alex Giron on May 5, 2007 10:51 pm
Perfectly said …
I don’t really know Bryan that well at all but when I first saw the message on his site I asked some of his close friends what was going on because it was concerning — they sort of brushed it off as an April Fools prank; so I didn’t think anything of it really.
I’d like to think I’d try and contribute if I could if he were having some sort of problems. However, since it is just a publicity thing — I could really care less one way or another. I guess we are trying to market ourselves one way or another. Some have good ideas and some have really bad.
By Martin Ringlein on May 5, 2007 11:03 pm
Couldn’t agree more. http://twitter.com/soopa/statuses/18669161 (Apr 3)
Also finding it laughable that people are lambasting you for saying something about the kid on YOUR personal site with the argument that he can say whatever he wants on his personal site. What a stupefying display of hypocrisy.
By Adam Michela on May 7, 2007 1:01 pm
See, this is getting really rude as I thought.
Now, this is the last comment i’ll say on the matter, but:
You guys think you know it all, you think your detective powers have guided you to the right answer. At the end of the day, you have to understand there is probably a lot more than meets the eye. And you’re all guessing, and all have bad opinions on something that you have no hard facts about.
If you want to be detectives, treat this like they would. Prove evidence that he did something wrong. There is no hard cold evidence. So stop being cleverdicks and take it at face value. That there was something wrong and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe you guys post your public lives on the internet, but maybe Bryan doesn’t want to. The original holding page made it obvious that he didn’t want to talk about whatever was wrong and seemed very personal. So why MUST he?
@Adam – I said the same myself. I even used the word hypocrtical ;)
And to reaffirm my points about wanting hits from this post Scrivs, The Digg bar _BEFORE_ the content says it all.
By Zach Inglis on May 7, 2007 5:26 pm
First, let’s get the Digg thing straight Zach. There is a plugin for WordPress that handles that. If something is submitted to Digg, it pops up. For example:
1. Do a search on Digg for Wisdump.
2. this is the first entry that comes up for me
Hmm….what do you see? Yes, that’s right, a Digg button. So you owe Scrivs and apology that he maliciously tried to bring exposure to this. The plugin was installed way before this happened and actually was used as a test before place on 9rules.
Next…No, no one knew what was going on, which is why Scrivs waited until Bryan said something before saying anything. So it wouldn’t be speculation. Bryan brought this on himself with his cryptic “I’m having a dilemma that is out of my control” messages.
It’s up to Bryan to give the facts when he created the situation in the first place. He decided to put the messages up on his site and on Twitter. He decided to set a deadline for a “rebirth” that he didn’t meet (and he could have met it, would have meant less dancing though). He released an incomplete design that sucks in IE that doesn’t begin to spotlight his true talents. Bryan could have said NOTHING and no one would have been the wiser. So your own argument fails….if he’s that private keep your mouth shut.
Bryan did this. Don’t blame anyone for holding him accountable for his actions….because they were 100% his actions, 100% under his control, right?
By Tyme White on May 7, 2007 5:59 pm
Zach, let me hold your hand and guide you through this one step-by-step. First go back and read my entry then read all the comments agreeing with me. Then notice you and some anon is the only one disagreeing, but the points you keep on bringing up have nothing to do with what I am saying. Then explain the different between Bryan doing this:
1) Taking down the site and maybe just saying “hey guys I’m gonna take a break to rethink the site. Or hell, just leave the site alone.
vs.
2) Getting his girl to post a cryptic message making it sound like he was in danger and therefore getting friends AND strangers worried about him and putting their time and energy to check up on him and even create a site only to go 4 weeks without a simple “hey I’m cool everyone thanks.”
See you seem to think the problem is either him taking down the site (the kid can do whatever the fuck he wants with his site) or not telling everyone what was up (which he basically did by talking about the redesign and his career). Neither of these were the problem, the problem (as has been stated about 36x in this thread) was how he led people on to only say I don’t have to say anything else, I got you guys worried all because I wanted to redesign this site. It was a total manipulation of friends and colleagues over a redesign and if it was more than that nobody is looking for details, but let us know that we weren’t fucking freaking out over JUST a redesign.
Now I’ve met your girlfriend and she seems like a nice girl. Let’s pretend she starts to act weird and she gets one of her friends to simply tell you things are going on, but that’s it. You press on and on trying to understand it but get no information, then a month later she comes back with a haircut and back to her old ways. You telling me you would be cool with that?
No doubt this is a reaction to you being Bryan’s friend and you are sticking up for him like a friend should, but there comes a time where the man himself should stand up and clear the air. And if he doesn’t don’t you think that just leads to more speculation?
And in regards to him being a 9rules member (last month) and me writing about it, trust me when I say I would treat all our members the exact same way if they treated me like Bryan did and the public.
Final note, I don’t even own this site anymore so me writing something for hits benefits me none. But I guess you knew that detective. And the evidence against Bryan is the shit he posted, we don’t have to go looking any further.
By Scrivs on May 7, 2007 6:49 pm
There have been several times throughout my stay with the 9rules Network when I have had personal life take over and haven’t been able to write how I want to. I’m currently going through one of those times as I write this.
Scrivs has never threatened me with being outed.
Lack of content for a brief period of time won’t get you booted and it has nothing to do with traffic. I’m proof of that. Although my traffic has seen an increase as of late, I was one of the lowest members for a very long time (still might be for all I know)… I highly doubt 9rules is seeing much of a traffic boost from me.
Being a total jackass and turning your back on the community that helped get you were you are… a community you claim to be part of absolutely will get you booted. This was a long time coming if you ask me. Good riddance.
By Joe Louis on May 8, 2007 12:15 am
I recall the feeling I had when I read Bryan’s/his girlfriend’s somewhat cryptic message. If you’ve been around the Net for some years, you can see and you should know what kinds of (positive) reactions messages like that usually bring about. I was just witness to the outpouring of love and help for a member who had fallen on bad times and one could tell that it helped him quite a bit to get back on is feet.
After all is said and done, but without knowing if there is perhaps more than we are privy to anyways, I personally am disappointed that someone doesn’t have at least the common courtesy to respond beyond a brief “It’s nice to be loved” kind of comment.
Scrivs brought out into the open what most people think and he did the right thing.
The Net is certainly big enough to ignore those whose egos have seemingly grown beyond their own control.
By Volkher Hofmann on May 8, 2007 4:15 am
Damnit, maybe that wasn’t the last post on the message. Hopefully this is.
I never said maliciously. And I never said for just this post. You guys know content is important but to have this big flapping digg button is the same as wearing a big sign around your neck saying “link me”
And you know what? No one does still, but because of this post. It felt like this post was a stab in the dark, read the comments. Everyone may say they agree. But also a lot of people are taking this post as 100% truth.
It’s not OK that he’s just OK? You HAVE to know what went on. That’s just childish people feeling left out of a secret.
And who are you? His client?
A blank page would have caused more speculation. He was obviously working on a complete recode of his site, most importantly. Which means using Python and so forth. Changing directories,etc.
You mean, because he has no testicles? Because he’s not a man (as the title suggests).
Ok, I know he gets personal with some of his posts, but I think there are some things a person can keep private. Apparently, I was wrong. Even if something happened to him, don’t take it at such a malicious value. Maybe there’s something he doesn’t want to talk about. I sure get those vibes from his post?
Where is the solid hard facts Paul? Where on earth did you get such evidence and proof from? You have a theory. And that my friend is the worst of it. You know you have influence in the blogging community, so suggesting something comes out with an air of truth. Even if it’s not. If a news reporter came out with a post suggesting “Paris Hilton kills babies”: I’m sure her lawyers will come back saying “Where’s the proof? That’s slander”. The point is, you really suggested some shitty things about someone without proof and you can’t just go accusing anyone like that.
You are comparing the communities relationship to Bryan, to that of my fiancé? I think there is a huge difference there. People expect a lot from Bryan. He turned from a guy who blogged for himself, to a person who blogged for OTHER people. But STILL, that does not give you a right to think you are ‘an item’, that you two have some sort of exclusive relationship.
Which shit is this? See. Another statement without any sold proof.
You have sullied his good name(maybe, accidently he did that for himself) for a disputed and unfair reason.
Do you not think Bryan is smart enough, if this was a real “PR STUNT”, to actually plan it well.
By Zach Inglis on May 8, 2007 5:00 am
Zach,
I can understand you want to defend the man, and that’s cool with me. It just boils down to the fact that there are some things you just don’t do, and Bryan did it. Simple as that. Of course he’s allowed to have his private life and is entitled to be reclusive if he likes, but if you build up a readership, no, a fan base, common courtesy forbids to pull a stunt as he has. It’s manners, and that’s it. No more, no less.
My 2c.
By Volkher Hofmann on May 8, 2007 7:48 am
Zach, I’m basically done with this discussion. You keep on coming back with the same arguments that miss the point completely of why this is an issue with everyone. In any case, I hope Bryan has thanked you for backing him up so vehemently, but of course in your world he doesn’t owe you such a gesture because he didn’t ask for it.
By Scrivs on May 8, 2007 11:34 am
[...] Although the recent problems he’s publicly faced, I’ve enjoyed watching the evolution of Bryan online, from blogging through to creating fun social events - Bryan has gone through some tough times recently, though his perseverance has put him back in the place he deserves to be - in the headlines. [...]
By Glenn Wolsey : Blog Archive : 5 People Who Inspire Me In Different Fields on May 8, 2007 9:45 pm
I don’t think you guys are being fair in writing such a post. After having worked on a blog and design for as long as Bryan did, it’s a hard decision to make to close it down and start again. All he needed was a little time to himself - and the message on his site did say he was OK. A few of you chose to blow the situation *way* out of proportion, and now you’re disappointed to hear that he didn’t have a personal tragedy or something. Seriously, get a life. This guy is not obligated to reply to your e-mails, nor communicate with the outside world if he calls enough enough.
By Andreas on May 9, 2007 6:47 am
Basically what this boils down to is this was a childish response to what you felt were childish actions. Shouldn’t you take the high road and keep this a private disagreement? This is just a sensationalist post for traffic’s sake. Kudos to Zach for sticking to his guns. And yes, the Digg badge is uber-tacky.
Paul I don’t think you’re getting a clear perspective on this because 1. of course people commenting in your blog are likely to be readers and therefore in line with your opinions 2. Perhaps people are intimidated by the 9rules blogging “clout” and don’t want to speak against you.
By joe on May 9, 2007 12:22 pm
I agree with you Paul that it’s wrong to not respond to emails of caring people who frantically want to express their concern because it’s just disrespectful to do so. Definitely right. Bryan made a mistake. Then again, is it worth it to publish such a childish response against that attitude? Yea yea, we have a community here who wants to know what happened but apparently this rant doesn’t tell much and obviously doesn’t satisfy curiosity or whatever. Does this clarify anything? No. Full of assumptions. If I were you, I’d talk to Bryan privately and clarify as mature people always do. You’re being ego-centric on this one. Just unfair for Bryan too for flaming him based on something you haven’t confirmed. Maybe what’s small deal to you is big deal to Bryan. The personal demons he might be fighting could look angels to you… Why did he have to put up a vague cryptic message? Again, a question I’d get answer to when I talk to him and not writing this sort of useless defamatory article.
You think people are afraid to speak against Bryan and you’re brave enough to do so? No way. People are just mature enough to keep silent because they have no idea what happened to Bryan and can’t assume.
“Open your eyes to the world young buck. It’s just a site and if that’s the hardest decision of your career, you ain’t been through shit in your life yet.”
Again, another assumption. Just to point out, he’s talking about career here not life as a whole.
By James on May 10, 2007 4:32 pm
Real life > internet, sir. Talk about ego, here. Who’s ego? Obviously you have some bruised ego going on. Yes, not responding to e-mails is bad user experience in general and even one simple e-mail might have eased your worries, but aside from that, there is a big difference between private and public lives. Some keep things like personal affairs and issues closer to the vest than others. Blogs are a very public forum; whatever was going on with Brian, he probably just didn’t want his issues plastered all over the internet or to become wank for his 9rules clan.
Be happy that he’s back at all. Be proud of the revamp. Be supportive. Don’t be such a spoiled sport.
By Meredith on May 10, 2007 5:03 pm
@joe - saying “uber-tacky” is uber-tacky
@avalonstar - I like your blog. No really- it is awesome. I like your work. I did however feel like there was some major showboating and dramatics when you “emerged”. I don’t claim to know you, but that’s just what it seemed like to a casual reader.
By Jeremy on May 13, 2007 10:02 pm
Scrivs, I really thought of you as a hero. but not right after this post.
By j4s0n on May 20, 2007 10:34 pm
Why is this everyone’s business again? Going on the offense and airing someone else’s dirty laundry is pretty childish (aka not being a man). Seriously, this is the internet, not real life. Good luck, Bryan.
By Steve O on May 22, 2007 6:19 pm
[...] Not so long ago, such a disappearing act happened, and it was Bryan Veloso of Avalonstar.com who took a break from blogging. And this guy’s not just any blogger. He’s a well respected designer and creator in many circles (heck, he’s got 7,500 feed readers, according to his FeedBurner chicklet). Paul Scrivens sums it up in this post, which was quite critical of how Bryan did his “disappearing act.” Scrivs thinks what Bryan did was irresponsible and egotistic, particularly because people were trying to get in touch with Bryan to express their concern, and there he was, probably relaxing, basking in the sun somewhere, and not returning their messages. Then of course, some consider this to be one big publicity stunt. [...]
By Lessons From a Disappearing Act » Jack Of All Blogs on May 26, 2007 1:50 pm
AS a casual reader of various sites but affiliation to no one, I found the cryptic messages at Avalonstar to be quite serious. I don’t know Scrivs, Mike, Thyme, or Bryan personally or even digitally. But, I agree 100% with Scrivs on this one. If a person who makes himself (Bryan) and what he does into a “brand” and makes himself somewhat of a public interweb presence, he at least owes the repect to answer or acknowledge to some degree the emails, txt messages, and whatever else was extended to him by his close online community. He doesn’t owe anyone the real truth, but a simple “hey i’m ok, just going through something personal but i’ll be ok” would have been comforting enough i’m sure for most of the people who care for him and his family. But, from what’s been made obvious, is that it was a mulling decision over his online design? I mean come on, get over it. TO have your fiance even get involved to further add fuel to the fire, that is ridiculous and makes even the casual reader realize how self-involved Bryan became with his whole “Avalonstar” image. I could go on longer, but I think his actions speak for themselves. It was over the top cheap theatrics ove something that is so trivial when compared to the grand scope of things. As Scrivs says, there are tougher decisions awaiting each and everyone one of us besides a redesign. Like they say, KISS - Keep it simple stupid.
By Amit on May 27, 2007 11:59 pm
[...] If you’re a regular reader you’ll know I’m not a huge fan of Byran Veloso or his work. When Avalonstar was taken down, I wasn’t impressed with the reaction. The public’s reaction was sickening, he left a meticulously designed letter, if something really bad had happened, the site wouldn’t have been taken down and no letter would have been left. I don’t normally agree with Paul Scrivens but he could not be more right and I’m so glad Veloso has been called out. [...]
By Bryan Veloso and Avalonstar → The Jim Whimpey Weblog on May 28, 2007 2:23 am
Though reluctant, I have to agree with this post. Though I normally don’t find myself agreeing with Scrivs I’d been thinking the same thing but surely didn’t have the guts to say it aloud.
After reading this this morning I thought about it on the drive to work and first thought — “what if I got cancer or something like that, and didn’t really want to share it on my blog? I mean, why should Bryan HAVE to share all the details (especially the bad stuff) with readers of his blog? Why should he owe them anything?”
But then I started to think about it and realized that the post left on avalonstar ASKED us all to care about it. As suggested above the site could have been left simply dormant while Bryan worked on his new design quietly behind the scenes as (also mentioned above) thousands of designers do every day!
Instead a cryptic message is left on the just oozing with questions and begging for curiosity and even worse - worry.
It all smells like a childish stunt begging for love and attention.
Regardless, people are people and we all do stupid things. I hope that Bryan is aware of the trouble he caused and will refrain from making a similar move again. And I am glad to hear that nothing bad has happened after all.
By Jesse J. Anderson on May 29, 2007 10:11 pm